Playing the emotional waiting game

“Are we there yet?” It’s a question synonymous with journeys with children, and not just when they’re in the back seat of the car.

My wife and I are approaching the end of week 39 of the pregnancy of our first child and emotions at this stage are all over the place (for us both) as we await the arrival of our little boy.

Personally, there’s the obvious and dominating excitement, understandable nervousness, tolerable impatience, complex anxiousness, discreet fear and a number of other terms which would fill a couple of pages of a psychiatrists’ glossary.

Trying to strike a balance between them all is proving a delicate task. You think you know how you’re supposed to feel based purely on fielding the daily question of “ooooh, are you excited?” Of course I am… it’s just that I am a bunch of other random, inexplicable things too.

Despite clearly being excited, just how much is equally as unexplainable as describing exactly why there’s a cocktail of other thoughts alongside it; it’s immense and somewhat overwhelmingly so at times.

I honestly couldn’t find the words or physical demonstration of just how effing delightfully excited I am. I’ve never felt anything like it before. I can think of a few truly great feelings in my life (mostly centred around my other half) which are trumped by this: proposing to my then girlfriend, marrying my wife last year, being told she’s pregnant just a few weeks prior, and Manchester United winning the Champions League in 1999.

I suppose the easiest (dumbest) way I could describe how excitement is blended with other ingredients in this unique cocktail is like this:

It’s like knowing your team is going into the FA Cup final. You can’t wait for it because you’ve been looking forward to this since the first round proper draw, but you’re not quite sure whether they’re going to play well on the day and you’ve heard that your best player might be ruled out through injury. How do I cope?!

Of course,  in reality this is all totally manageable and excitement is clearly the dominant emotion, like tonic to this G&T cocktail if you will. But it’s understanding that it’s not exclusive. It’s just not as straight forward as I first thought. As the days go on, the number of emotions you feel add up quicker than Rachel Riley on Countdown. It’s abit like that Disney film, Inside Out.

I just want him here, in my arms for the first time.

I find that it’s me now asking (excitedly): “Are WE there yet?”